Breast Cancer and Depression or Even Warriors Get the Blues

Sculpture Garden - New Orleans City Park

You've been through hell and back. You've dealt with the shock of being told you have cancer and the realization that your life will never be the same again. You endured the barrage of doctors' appointments, tests, scans, surgeries, and various other assaults on your body. You were so busy, so focused, that it helped distract you from the deeper fear that this thing in your body wanted to kill you.

You were a warrior. People said they could never be as brave as you. And even though hearing this got to be annoying sometimes (as if you volunteered to get cancer and deserved some kind of a medal), you were proud of yourself for being able to charge through all your treatments (most of the time, anyway) and even joke with the medical staff.

Now that's all behind you. You expected you'd be happy. Ecstatic. Many other women with breast cancer weren't nearly as fortunate as you've been. You feel guilty when you think about it. Not just guilty that you're alive and they may not be, but guilty that you're not out celebrating life, living in the moment, appreciating the world you're still here to enjoy. Instead, you have all you can do to get out of bed in the morning. You can't summon up the energy or enthusiasm to do any of the things that used to make you happy before cancer. You feel hopeless, useless. You're thinking, Why can't I get a grip? 

Many of us have been there. I've been there. Try not to make it worse by beating yourself up. You have plenty of valid reasons for not feeling like yourself, including the effects of all those treatments on your body chemistry -- the chemo, maybe tamoxifen or surgery-induced menopause, all the anesthesia from perhaps multiple surgeries. And to top it off, you may have been laid up for weeks or months after those surgeries. Your body is still healing and your immune system taxed. That doesn't leave much physical or mental energy for anything else, even though you’re sick of feeling sick.

What you're going through may be temporary, related to any or all of the above. But even if you can point to many reasons for feeling as you do, it is possible that your body has gotten stuck there physiologically. And you might need some help getting unstuck.

If your symptoms go on too long and are interfering with getting on with your life, call your doctor. He/She will talk to you, run some tests, try to figure out what might be causing the problem. It's possible you're suffering from major depression. This is different than just “the blues.” It's brain chemistry, and it isn't something you can just snap yourself out of, any more than cancer was. Why continue to suffer, if it's not necessary? It's well-established by research that combining therapy with medication yields the fastest results and best prognosis when dealing with major depression. 

You'll see that some of the symptoms listed below could be associated with cancer treatment or “chemo brain.” Causes and effects are complicated. But don't rely on self-diagnosis. According to the American Psychiatric Association, having five or more of these symptoms for two weeks or more (including the first or second ones listed) can indicate major depression:

• Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, such as feeling sad, empty or tearful
• Diminished interest or feeling no pleasure in all or almost all activities most of the day, nearly every day
• Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
• Insomnia or increased desire to sleep nearly every day
• Either restlessness or slowed behavior that can be observed by others
• Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
• Feelings of worthlessness, or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day
• Trouble making decisions, trouble thinking or concentrating nearly every day
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or a suicide attempt

You may not have major depression, but it still might help to have a professional to talk to about the traumatic life experience you've just lived through. Or maybe it's time to join one of those breast cancer support groups you previously ruled out. Whatever the cause, you can get through this, just like everything else you've gotten through. After all, you're a warrior!




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